Are you sure that's a Priority?

Recently, I tripped on a toy when I was snapping at my daughter because she did not want to get out of her nice warm bed (Really, who can blame her for not wanting to get of a nice warm bed?). Two thoughts came to mind: One - Who put that toy there? It was obviously my punishment for being such a witch. Two - I needed to reevaluate where I was. I needed to start from square one and get back to the un-crabby mom I know I can be.

A great place to start when you are as tired as I am, is sitting down, seriously. So I squeezed a half hour into my day and sat down. I needed to make a few lists:

List One – What do you do?

Take a good long look at what you do. Where has this life brought you? What is in the normal schedule? Write it down.

Children's Church Leader

Baseball Team Mom

Meetings

Make dinner, breakfast, and lunch

Work full-time

Laundry

Clean the house

School volunteer

Church service

Church volunteering

Son's sports

Daughter's Dance

Family events

Holidays
Church Service
Grocery Shopping

Kids' Homework and Projects

Read the kids stories

Trying to get exercize

I will keep adding.....If you can think of more, email me at this_joyful_life at yahoo.com.

List Two – What's Important to Me?

On a separate piece of paper write down what your priorities are. What is important to you? The things that you want to do. The things you want to be a priority in life. Hint: If there are more then 10 items on that list then you may want to number them from most important to least and delete anything after 10.

1. Spending time with Kids

2. Attending church service

3. Work
4. Homework and reading
5. Healthy eating
6. Healthy activities for kids
7. Just relaxing
8. Enjoying nature
9. Exploring

 

List Three – You Are the Sunshine of My Life
Who is a priority to you? Limit the list to less than 20 people in no particular order.

1. Spike
2. Stitch
3. Rapunzel
4 - 8. Anyone who has had the label of Mother or Father in any of our lives (5 people)
9 - 12. Anyone who has had the label of Brother or Sister in any of our lives (4 people)
13. Shipwrecked
14. Bones
15 - 16. Princess and the pea
17 - 18. Two J's
19.
20.

I think the list is complete even though some of the people on the list I do not get to see often.

List Four – Goals

Write down your goals. Things you want for yourself and for your family, in the short term and long term.

Short Term Goals

1. Children to get along

2. Homework do be done in a timely manner.

3. Reading with kids every night.

4. Family vacation time to reconnect
5. Housework schedule and keep it


Long Term Goals

1. Debt Free

2. Travel

3. Take Photography class

4. Kids learn to play an instrument

List Five – Prized Possessions

Choose what items have the most emotional, physical, and nostalgic value. Limit the list to less than 20 items. A category of items like pictures or jewelry can be listed as one on the list.

Wedding rings/jewelry

Pictures

Books

Angel Cards

Tea Cups

Cooking stuff

Re-evaluate your lists and your life

After I completed my lists I took a good hard long look at our life and figured out where I could start making changes, what I can get rid of, and who we really want to spend our time with. It was overwhelmingly exciting to have a place to start. The idea that saying No to things would get me closer to my priorities like seeing their grades soar while their spirits rise, teaching the kids about how we are just one in the world of many, enjoying watching their faces while a turtle swims by, kicking back on the porch with some sweet tea and a book, or sitting down for some good ol' fashion family game time. All of these things are prevented because we get caught up in all that we have gotten ourselves into. Sometimes we think we have family obligations but are they really an obligation or can we just tell that family member that we do not want to go because that function is not a priority today? This is possible!

So if you are where I was, jump off your broom and grab a pen, MAKE SOME LISTS and keep them with you as a reminder of what you need to do to make the priorities in your life A PRIORITY. You will be amazed at how you feel! I know I was!

Mona Lisa or Rubbish?

I have two children, or, shall I say, two heirs to the throne - lucky me. I was blessed with a boy, then a girl; the perfect order, some think. I tend to think it should have been the other way around because big sisters are known to be really loving and responsible. But anyways, I digress. My oldest is in third grade and my little one is in preschool and they are truly two of the most amazingly creative people I have ever encountered in my life.

They both love art and I too love art. I love real art, like a beautiful sculpture, a meaningful poem, or a Van Gough painting. You catch my drift. I also love my children and their art work, to an extent.

With children who really love art (especially Rapunzel) your house becomes a gallery for elementary school children. Rapunzel, my little one, (that is what she would like to be called) creates art everyday at school and then when she comes home she sits in the living room in front of the window so she can feel the warmth of the sun while she creates more art. That means everyday Rapunzel alone brings home at least 10 pieces of art work. Stitch mostly likes to invent contraptions and create art work at the house. Being that he is in third grade, there is less art work that comes home with him but what does come home is at an increasingly higher quality then years before.

Both of the kids love to share their beauty with the world. They have the idea that the entire universe should be able to view the miracles that come out when their fingers touch the paint, paper mache, or coloring utensil. They firmly believe that their art work deserves recognition and appreciation by all and that there is NO BETTER GIFT then a piece of art from Princess Rapunzel or Prince Stitch. In their eyes it is all a Mona Lisa.

BUT, there are 365 days in the year and if you times that by ten pieces of art a day,that means we are going to have to admire 3650 pieces of art work. My children do not believe that a prince's or princess's art work should be tossed into the informatory or be in any way, shape, or form damaged. The believe that art belongs in a gallery - a gallery that is equally divided between two countries; The Country where Boys reign on high and the Country where Girl's are the stronger of the species.  

How do I accommodate these demands? I must accommodate the requests of my sovereign. If I do not they become disheartened and they tend to cry while screaming the words "You don't love me!" Since we don't want to disappoint them, I had to come up with some ideas on how I can accommodate such high demands. 

Of course I would prefer to only display true works of art in all areas of my house, but we all have ideas of what is true art and I do feel that what my children produce is Art in the simplest and yet warmest form. Who doesn't smile after seeing a piece of art crafted by a small child?

First - I decipher whether or not the art is either rubbish or a Mona Lisa and if it is rubbish, it is briskly granted a silent demise. Rubbish would be the scribbling of circles on a plane white piece of paper or a out of the lines coloring by my eldest who is completely capable of coloring with in the lines.

Second -  I take all the art work that is brought home and enter it into the Art Gallery dungeon - a big Tupperware the size toy box.

Third - I place the art work that the Prince and Princess distinguish as priceless heirlooms for future generations on the gallery which you commoners call the fridge. This is art is considered that of the Mona Lisa, this would be art that I can look at it and clearly say "Wow, you took a lot of time to complete this and you were extremely creative with the colors." or the not as often "Oh My Goodness, you did this? This is brillance!".

Fourth  - I go through the dungeon every two months (twice the change of moons) and pick the most exquisite pieces to be displayed with the utmost respect - hung in the kitchen or living room. I also decide what pieces will make it to actually meet the heirs of my children. Many pieces succomb to a rapid demise, rubbish.

I have found this process quick and effective. The royal children do not seem to notice some of the missing pieces, but they do notice when art is not properly displayed in a visible area. For instance, last night Rapunzel asked "Mommy, how come Stitch has more art work on the wall then I do and why is my art not at your work also?" Because I have such an effective system, I was able to respond quickly, stating "Look right there honey you have just as much as your brother and I will pick out a piece of art and make sure to put it on the wall at work because your art work is better then the Mona Lisa." Rapunzel was pleased and asked "So your Boss can see?" I lovingly responded "Of course! Who wouldn't enjoy looking at how talented you are."

What do you do with your art? Do you decide Mona Lisa or rubbish?

Follow Your Bliss

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time. - Joseph Campbell

A few weeks ago I joined a gym. Since then I have been going to spin class twice a week and I. Am. Hooked. 

There is no doubt in my mind - spinning is my bliss. This is why I love it:

I get to class a few minutes before it starts and join the group of people waiting to get into the room. The previous class lets out and the janitors enter with their mops and buckets to clean up the pools of sweat that have accumulated under the bikes. One of the great things about spinning - it makes you SWEAT.

We enter the room and start adjusting our bikes - seat, handlebars, etc. A good setup is important. If your bike is not set up properly, you will pay for it the next day. 

The teacher starts the music and a fast song with a heavy beat blares out from the stereo as we begin to peddle. 

"UUUUUUP," he yells. We rise from our seats in unison, bend over our handlebars and peddle to the beat. Left, right, left right; 22 bikers in perfect synchronization. In this moment, the day's stresses fall from my mind. For the next 60 minutes the only thing that matters is the ride.

A girl hurries into the room a few minutes late. She quickly adjusts her bike, grabs the handlebars and hops sideways onto the seat. "What a badass," I think. I know if I tried that move, I'd miss the seat and fall to the ground. 

By this time we have been riding for about 5 minutes. My heart is pumping, I can barely catch my breath, and sweat is oozing out of my pores. 

"HAVE A SEAT. IT'S TIME TO GET STARTED."

The music changes to a slower song; still loud, still a heavy beat. 

"HEAVY TENSION ON THOSE BIKES, HEAVY!" 

Next to me a short, Latina girl yells out, "HEAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" I call her La Sirena - The Siren. She mimics the teacher's instructions in a loud, echoing voice for the entire hour. At first it annoyed me, but now it makes me laugh, and when she misses a class, we all yell out echoed instructions in her place. 

We adjust the tension on our bikes and begin the slow climb. Legs shaking, muscles burning, we struggle for each turn of the peddles. Left, right, left, right; we shift from side to side in perfect, military formation. 

As the song tapers off, a new one starts - faster than the last one, and with a frantic, techno beat. It's time for sprints. 

To be fair, "sprint" may be the wrong word as these are not short burst of momentum, but rather long, unending, torturous stretches of speed. They maybe last 2 to 3 minutes, but at 120 or more rpm, it feels like a lifetime. Sprints are pure torture, but we all do them diligently.

Most teachers would give you a break after 4 rounds of sprints, but not this one. 

"UUUUUUUP! MAKE SURE TO BREATHE!" 

We rise shakily from our seats, panting and struggling to keep our momentum.

"NOW GET...LOW!"

This position is a teaser. Standing in a crouched position, hovering inches over the seat, your instinct is to relax and sit. No can do, buddy. Fire up those glutes and hold your position! 

"MODERATE TENSION ON THOSE BIKES, WE'RE DOING POP-UPS!"

Pop-ups are my favorite part of class. We ride in standing position for four beats and then switch to a low standing position for four beats. Back and fourth, four beats up, four beats down; it is an obsessive compulsive's perfect workout. 

The class goes on with variations of these exercises for about 50 minutes. Then comes the final workout.

"LAST SONG, TWO SPEEDS. SPEED 1 DOESN'T MATTER. SPEED 2...KICK ASS."

The song starts as people grab for their water bottles, wipe off their faces, and prepare to dig deep. It's one of those songs that is deceptively slow in the beginning, but after a few seconds, the beat starts to pick up.

"THE LAST HOUR DOESN'T MATTER. THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR...ARE YOU READY!?!?"

We all scream, "YEAH!"

"I SAID, ARE YOU READY!!?!?!?"

"YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"IN 3..."

The beat gets faster.

"2..."

The song gets a little bit louder.

"1..."

"DOUBLE TIME! GO! GO! GOOOOOO!!!!"

The beat takes off and so do we. Spinning our legs as fast as we can, hearts pumping, blood pounding, we give it everything we have and then some. Faster and faster, we reach our top speeds and struggle to hold on to them.

"KEEP WITH IT!"

The teacher's yelling gives us all a burst of energy and we pick up the pace, the motion of our legs blurring. 

Finally, mercifully, the song ends and we slow to a human pace once again.

After a brief cool down and some stretching, the teacher tells us to give ourselves a hand and we all clap and cheer. 

It's at this point that I grab my empty water bottle, my sweat-soaked towel, and my keys and slowly drag myself to the car. 

Bliss.

It's The New Me, Haters!

WARNING: This post may not be as joyful as it could be. OK it is an all together complaining rant where I am about to go on a rampage about judgemental critical people - Enjoy!

I realized a long time ago that even though you can try to teach people how to treat you, who you are, what you are about, and what you want, some people never change their minds about who THEY want you to be.

I want to be a new me. A new me who has a spirit filled with joy, love, and strength. A new me who is organized. I want to be the woman whose household has peace and order. I want to be the person who can sit with a clean mind and read a book. I want to be the mother who helps make memories and holds traditions together for her family. I want to be a woman of wisdom that others can see as a someone who is there to help lift them up when they are down. Those aren't bad things, are they? Then why would someone want to ignore THE FACT that I am slowly making changes and always always trying.

Is it not fast enough for them? Is it because I sometimes take two steps forward and one step back? Is because I am not perfect?

I see myself working towards these goals by slowly but steadily simplifying my life. The three major ways I am working on it are by saying no, decluttering, and financial freedom.

All three of those things take time. With the children that I have who grow like weeds, the decluttering is not that easy. There are obligations that take up my time that I have to fulfill until they are over or until they find someone to replace me, so that cannot be done immediately either. AND, as all we all know, financial freedom is a constant battle. I do admit that I could kick the decluttering up a few notches. But other wise I am doing as much as I can at one time. I have a purpose for all of my actions.

So why are some people so hard on me?

Why don't they see that there is a purpose for this journey?

I am going to grow into the version of myself that God has intended me to be. I am letting go of my past and enabling myself to move forward. I teach others who I am by what I do and how I treat them.

So what up wit it? Why they hatin' on me?

I can only think of one good reason. It's because they are not, they are not trying, not working towards anything better, not forgiving themselves.

They are hatin' because I am fighting a good fight. I have something they don’t have AND they don’t want ME to have it. Haters can't hate on me unless I am doing the right thing. If I were doing something wrong, they wouldn't need to make themselves feel better by making me feel worse. But it is when I am doing the right thing that I get attacked. When I am going the right direction, when I am saying the right things, that is when I get attacked. So handle business, go on and have the time of your life talking about me! It gives me joy knowing that I am doing the right thing.

You are probably wondering what I am going to do about it. The answer is NOTHING and some more nothing and a whole lot of nothing. I am not going to try and fight back or defend myself. I am going to stick to the plan, stay on my journey. I will not fight the haters because if I try to play their game, I will get distracted and I will start thinking about the haters not the plan. So I will let it go. It is not my job, to take on all the haters of the world, that’s God’s job.

In fact I am just going to get even nicer and really get them cooking when I don't respond to their efforts to start a battle with me. Your gonna have to learn to love it one day.

When you have a purpose you can focus without being distracted. A purpose is having a clear sense of what you are supposed to do. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

Here is a little message to all of the haters. Haters can keep hatin' BECAUSE I have a purpose and plan. I will be a NEW me! I am on a journey! You can join me if you want or just sit back and be left in the dust.

What Would You Do?

This morning I read a post about money. The author posed this question to her readers - What would you change about your life if money was no object?

I love hypothetical questions and this one really resonated with me, especially with the $640 million dollar lottery winner being picked tonight!

Immediately I began to make a list in my head of all the things I would do if I didn't have to worry about money:

1. Take a drawing class. I've been searching for a while now to try and find an art class that would fit with my work schedule. So far the only classes I've found are $40 and $60 per class, which seems a little ridiculous to me - but as long as money is no object, maybe I'll sign up for two!

2. Switch to working part-time. I don't know that I would want to quit my job completely, but going from 5 9hr days a week to 2 4hr days sounds really lovely. It's enough working time to make me appreciate the time that I'm not at work, but not so much working time that I start counting down the minutes until the weekend. Plus, in this alternate reality, I would still qualify for healthcare, right?

3. Get a dog. I love, love, love little furry dogs. If I didn't have to leave the little guy home alone all day, I would totally have a dog already - a little Pomeranian named Harry Potter who would sleep on my bed and dance on his hind legs when he was excited, and love riding in the car. Also, I would get a job that allowed me to bring my dog to work...and allow me to telecommute...and take months off for travel...hmm, this job situation might not work out after all...

4. Hire a chef/housekeeper. Deciding what to make for dinner and then having to shop for the food and cook it is not my idea of fun. So I would hire a chef to come make delicious, soy-free, vegan dinners that my meat-eating husband will love. The chef would also be a fabulous housekeeper who sweeps the floors and cleans bathrooms - my two least favorite chores.

5. TRAVEL!!! I just started reading Life of Pi and the author's description of the habits of the three-toed sloths in Brazil sounded really interesting! So I would take a trip (first class of course) over to Brazil for a few months, hang with the sloths, learn some Portuguese, check out the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio (I've been wanting to visit that statue since I saw it in the 1996 remake of Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio!), and then move on Belize for a while, then maybe Italy, France, Sweden, Alaska, all the Hawaii islands, all the Caribbean islands...I could go on and on.  

I did a similar exercise in college when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. My list was short and sweet:

1. Learn to drive a manual transmission, then buy an old purple VW bug and name it Lola. 

2. Decorate my apt with plants. 

3. Speak Spanish.

According to that list, my ideal job would be plant delivery driver in South America. Actually, that sounds fantastic! I should look into that.

I think it's interesting to note that in college I was making $80 a week tutoring middle schoolers and my list of desires were all relatively cheap. Now that I'm making more money, my desires have become more expensive (I can only imagine what my desires will be after I win the $640 million lotto tonight. Designer dresses dipped in gold and rubies most likely...). It makes me wonder - Does having more money automatically raise the bar on desires?  

When gossip magazines publish stories about celebrities who have spent all of their money and are forced to claim bankruptcy, I always think - HOW? 

How is it possible to spend MILLIONS of dollars so quickly? I'd like to think that once I become a millionaire, I will still continue with my simplified lifestyle. Sure, I could spend a few tens of thousands traveling the world, but that would still leave me with $539.9 million to live on! 

I suppose I would have to hire an accountant to manage all of my riches and do my taxes. Plus an assistant to deal with all of the donation inquires from charities and whoever else contacts rich people for money. And of course a publicist to manage all the press generated from interest in our fabulous simple living blog! 

It makes me exhausted just thinking about it! So of course I would then need to hire a relaxation team consisting of a masseuse, acupuncturist, reiki master, craniosacral therapist, naturopathic doctor, and therapist to follow me around and make sure I remained calm and zen-like at all times. A dog sitter for Harry Potter, a few nannies for my ever expanding brood of adopted and biological children, teachers to home-school the family and teach us local customs and languages. A team of lawyers in case someone tries to sue me for my millions, a business manager to manage all of my charitable enterprises, a secretary to type up my autobiography notes, a publisher, a tour manager, an image consultant...

OK, I've changed my mind. No winning lotto numbers for me. My desire to live a simple life outweighs my desire to be a millionaire.

To quote Notorious B.I.G. - "Mo money, mo problems"

Amen, Biggie!

Now that you've read my list, tell me, readers - what would YOU do if money were no object? Email us: this_joyful_life at yahoo dot com 

Losing Control

Have you heard this phrase? "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

So true. Things never work out exactly as planned. And the more detailed the plan is - the more things won't go that way.  

(By the way, did you know that that quote was taken from a song that John Lennon wrote for his son, Sean called "Beautiful Boy"? I had no idea until I Googled it.) 

For an OCD planner like me, this truth really bugs me. How can I plan and therefore control my life if there are unseen forces working against me!?!

Take my wedding for example. I created a detailed, 15 page packet for each person in the wedding party containing checklists, floor maps, photos of how the decorations and tables should look (Drawn in excel, by me, including multiple strands of twinkly lights. I drew every single light bulb!), contact lists, even a wedding party task schedule broken down in half hour increments. I planned every last minute of that wedding, and did it turn out perfectly? Of course not.

I remember my coworker telling me a few days before my big day, not to worry because something always goes wrong at weddings. This did wonders for my stress level, let me tell you. Instead of relaxing and enjoying getting ready on the morning of the wedding, I was paralyzed with fear that something was going to happen to ruin my day. 

In reality, the list of things that went wrong were minor and not worth the added stress: The company hired to deliver and set up the chairs at the ceremony was late, the limo taking me and my bridal party to the ceremony had a broken trunk that wouldn't shut, the DJ set up his turntables in the dining area instead of on the dance floor, one of the keg pumps broke, and a few guests were no-shows. So no major disasters occurred, but I can still remember my barely controlled rage when Lily had to inform me that the DJ had set up in the wrong place and it was too late to switch it around so they were going to move some speakers outside instead. Obviously the DJ had not bothered to read his wedding packet. I managed to let it go though, and we all had a great time. (Though I can't imagine how much BETTER a time everyone would have had if the DJ had followed my instructions...but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much...I'll be married two years in October...I should be over it by my golden anniversary)

It has recently become apparent to me that no matter how much effort I've put into it, I just don't have the power to control the universe as it relates to my life. I'm still trying, but I'm definitely noticing more and more the futility in my attempts. 

So where does this leave me? A little shell-shocked, slightly pissed off, but more importantly - hopeful. 

I'm hopeful because if I don't have the power to control every detail of my life, if I don't have the power to predict or control the future, and if I don't have the power to change the past - then I can let it all go! 

Let those unforeseen forces have at it! I'm taking a well-deserved vacation! Let those chips fall wherever they damned well may...

Serious though, how do I let go? It sounds like a great idea in theory, but in practice? How do I not plan things?

My friend told me recently about a yoga class she had taken. At the end of the class the teacher had the students all lie on the floor in shavasina (dead man's pose). She instructed them to let go of their stresses and the thoughts running through their minds, and just concentrate on being in the moment.

I think I'll start with this moment right now.

Recap: Frugal February

Well, February has come and gone. All in all, the no spend challenge went pretty well. I did give in half way through the month and buy a scale, but since I was barely able to zip up my pants anymore, it was either buy a scale to motivate myself to get in shape, or buy a new wardrobe. I chose the least expensive option.

During the no-spend month, I discovered a bunch of things that I wanted to buy. I am always looking for the quickest, easiest solution to my problems, which sometimes leads to impulse decisions that don't always pan out so well. Let's take a look:

1. I didn't get a good night's sleep one night.
Impulse Decision: Buy a king sized mattress ($2000).
Actual Decision: Get over it ($0). 

2. I got invited to a cowboy themed wedding.
Impulse Decision: Buy new boots, new jeans, cowboy-type shirt ($250-400).
Actual Decision: I was going to borrow a pair of Lily's boots and one of my husband's flannel shirts. Unfortunately my feet were too big for the boots, and hubby's shirt was too big for me. So I ended up buying boots. And I'll probably buy some jeans...and a shirt...but I actually found a cute pair of boots that I wanted in February for $80 and held off buying them until March. Unfortunately they were no longer available, but THEN I found an even cuter pair for $59.95! So I saved $20.05! ($229.95-379.95)

3. My pants stopped fitting.
Impulse Decision: Buy new pants ($200).
Actual Decision: Buy a scale, count my calories, go running ($10.95)

Total savings: $2031

I even managed to declutter 4 books and a nail file during the challenge.

So what will this month's challenge be?

Fitting back into my pants! Wish me luck :D